My Boyfriend Keeps Looking at Porn – Help?

Hi, I need some advice as my boyfriend keeps looking at porn. We have been together three years and although we rarely see each other now that I am at university, we have a strong relationship. That is except for the fact that he is obsessed with his collection of pornographic magazines and DVD’s.

I hate porn as I believe it devalues women by portraying them as sex slaves. It doesn’t help that it also gives the impression that sex is always mind blowing fantastic when we know in real life that just isn’t the case. I have tried to explain how I feel but he doesn’t seem to care. He thinks I am the one with the problem. I can’t help feeling that as he is constantly being bombarded with images of these impossibly well endowed ladies who are rampant sex addicts; he will get bored with me.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t want to lose him but I really hate what he is doing. Please can you help me?

It often strikes me as funny how a little word like Sex can cause such major issues between couples. Has he always had an interest in porn or is this new behavior? If the sexy magazines were part of his life when you met, then you cannot really expect him to change. It is a fact of life that we often try to change aspects of our partner’s behavior rather than accept them for who they are. When a boyfriend keeps looking at porn and has a history of doing so, you are not going to change that.

Men and women tend to view these things differently. A man is usually much better at compartmentalizing his life. Sex when he is on his own involves these other materials but it doesn’t mean that he expects you to behave in the same way as these ladies. In fact he would probably be horrified if you did.

So long as he isn’t pressurizing you to behave in a sexual manner that leaves you uncomfortable I would either learn to ignore his habit or finish with him. I really do not think he will change and what’s more is it fair to ask him when it shouldn’t really affect you.

You sound like you could be a little insecure over whether he fancies you or not so perhaps try discussing these fears with him. I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised by his reaction. He probably has no idea that you are worried he is going to get bored.

When a relationship becomes a long distance one, insecurities can make mountains out of molehills. And who knows a conversation like this may be just what the doctor ordered to spice things up in the bedroom department. After three years, things can tend to become a little dull on both sides!

However, if his behavior has changed i.e. if your boyfriend keeps looking at porn and he never did this before it may be a sign that there is a problem in the relationship. Long distance relationships take a lot of work and some people are not suited to them. The only way of knowing is to have a frank conversation with him and see what he says.